Gratitude

We're grateful for the times between the chaos that aren't filled with dings and beeps and nurses rushing in and out of the room.  We're grateful for the calm that grants solace and allows us to take in the sweetness of our precious little girl. We're grateful for days like today.

Our weekend began in a wholly unexpected and harsh way.  After Josephine's emergency surgery  on Thursday we were told one of Dr. Forbess' partners, Dr. Guleserian, would be closing Josephine's chest early Saturday morning.  Our plan for the evening prior was easy enough: we'd come home to get a good night's sleep (which typically ends up being about 4 - 5 hours after trying to manage all of the things we can't do from the hospital during the day), then get up at 4:30 a.m. to make the drive back to CMC and love on Josephine before surgery.  Our evening was productive.  A load of laundry was done, bills were paid and a few basic housekeeping tasks were completed.  When we crawled into bed at about 11:30 p.m., everything with Josephine was fine (which is to say, stable.)  And then, as I was exiting the shower at about 4:30 a.m., another of the dreaded phone calls.

Sometime during the wee hours of Saturday morning, Josephine's nurse noticed that her chest tube had begun to drain large amounts of bright red blood (this, after draining only serous fluid for the entire day before.)  Wisely, the nurse called the attending physician who got in touch with Dr. Guleserian.  By the time they contacted us, the doctor and her entire surgical team were on their way to the hospital to once again perform emergency exploratory surgery on Josephine - the second time in barely as many days.  Dr. Guleserian was able to quickly find the source of the bleed and get it sutured, and felt confident enough to go ahead and close Josephine's chest.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that our sweet girl - who is now just 12 days old - has already had three surgical procedures (which is more than most adults I know.)  It's hard to think she might be in pain or scared, and it's really hard to think about the possibility we could lose her before we even really get to know her beautiful spirit.  Thankfully, days like yesterday only come so often...and hopefully, they'll start to come much less frequently (or disappear all together) as we progress through this process.

We're praying for more days like today...quiet, stable and calm, yet productive.  We're praying to soon see Josephine open her eyes and interact with the world again.  We're praying to have the chance to hold her and cuddle her and love her.

Scrunchy-face is due for another appearance...and soon.  Here's hoping tomorrow's the day.